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Are You Ready To Kick Fear’s Ass?

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Over the last couple days I’ve had some wonderful opportunities to look at what fear really is. Not fear as in “oh someone’s got a gun to my head” fear, but the kind of fear that keeps us from doing the things we want, accomplishing our goals, and living our best lives. kickfearsass

I’ve had a couple clients over the last couple days who are just completely stuck. They are so stuck they can’t take any action, or make any movement.

When we started digging around into why they are stuck, the same thing kept coming up. I’m afraid. Now one of them said that out loud ~ I’m scared to death of screwing this up. The other was a little more subtle, but the bottom line was the same. Fear was keeping both of them from moving forward.

When we started talking about their fears I noticed something very interesting.

They were worried about things 5 miles down the road.

Yeah. They weren’t worried about the task in front of them, the first thing they needed to get done to move forward. They were deathly afraid of something 10 or 15 steps down the line in this project.

Is there something to fear in this very moment?

It reminded me of myself and my fear of the dentist. I used to be absolutely phobic of the dentist. Even pulling in the parking lot would give me a panic attack. Not sure where it came from, but I soon realized I was not afraid of what was going on in that very minute but of the possibilities that could arise in the future.

I wasn’t scared of the parking lot. No, I was scared of the needle, and the drill, and the heaven knows what else that crazy dentist guy is going to do to me while I lay in the chair absolutely helpless to defend myself.

Well… I decided I wanted to have a baby. My husband told me I had to get all my dental stuff taken care of before I got pregnant ~ because being pregnant can already mess with your teeth and he wanted me as healthy as possible.

I wanted a baby really bad, so I made an appointment.  As I got in my car (an hour away from the dentist’s office) and started to feel a panic attack coming on I said to myself. “What’s going on right now? Right here? Am I ok right now, right here?” and low and behold I was just sitting in my car, like I do a couple times every day. I was in no pain, there’s was nothing to be afraid of in that moment.

I did this all the way to the office. I did it the whole time I was waiting for my name to be called. Still there was nothing to be afraid of in that moment. I was just sitting on a comfy couch reading a magazine. Then my name was called. I kept saying that to myself through the entire thing. Each minute, by each minute identifying whether or not THIS was the moment I had been so panicked by.

Turns out ~ with the help of a very good dental hygienist I realized there was not one moment that was something to be afraid of.

While getting over my fear of the dentist may seem like a big thing, and it was, it got me thinking about how much of my life I miss from fear.

  • Do I spend my afternoon not involved completely because I worry about the struggle at bedtime?
  • Do I not start a project because I don’t know if it will be successful?
  • Does my business not go to the next level because I don’t know how I would manage all the money?
  • Did I almost not send my daughter to preschool because I was afraid she’d get kicked out?

Overcoming Fear

I have to tell you… I’m a bit of a control freak and it irritates and aggravates me when something has control over me. Whether it’s cigarettes, or pop, or fear. Here are some things I’ve done to help kick fear’s ass and continue on with my life.

1. When I’m not accomplishing something I want I stop and look around. I really dig into what is keeping me from doing what I want to do. Sometimes there’s an element of fear involved, sometimes there’s not, but identifying the road block is key.

2. Ask questions. What’s the worst that could happen? What are the chances of that actually happening? What would happen if that did happen? Then what? Then what? Whittle it down to the very bare bones of the issue and see if it’s really anything you actually need to be afraid of.

3. Stay in the moment. This is the biggest one. Stay in the moment. Is what you’re doing RIGHT NOW, this very instant going to cause the collapse of the western empire. Doubtful.

4. Will it matter in 5 years? I must confess I do find myself getting worked up over seemingly important things, but when I take a minute to look at it with some perspective I realize it’s not that important at all. Getting worked up gives me a “worthy” excuse to stay stuck. Expect more from yourself. Don’t let yourself get away with staying where you are over something that doesn’t really matter in the long run.

5. Just do it. Sometimes, there are things I am afraid of, and I don’t want to do. I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I will be a success. AND then I just do it anyway.

Success doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. If it did the entire world’s population would be successful ~ sometimes you have to push yourself. You have to just say F the fear and do it anyway.  While those are some of my scariest days they are also some of the most satisfying and they are the ones  I remember years down the road.

Are you ready to kick fear’s ass and move forward in your life? I’d love to know your tricks for conquering fear. Feel free to share them in the comments section!

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2 Responses to “Are You Ready To Kick Fear’s Ass?”

  1. Ann Harrison says:

    What an excellent topic. I need to bookmark this page!

    Found you through MBC. I’m glad I did!

    ~Ann Again… and again

  2. Bernita says:

    Hi Jackie,

    Great post! It was in perfect timing as I always seem to go through that on Sun. in anticipating Mon. Staying in the moment cause everything is fine.

    Nice new theme…*Grins*

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